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SNENTASUS Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "snentasus" journal:

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August 26th, 2012
09:16 pm

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Fasting -- 15 days down, 6 to go (for now)
I was doing some fitness videos for the past few days just so that I didn't feel so guilty about lying around all day. Today is a different story, though, because I have been resting a lot. Hopefully I can pick everything back up tomorrow. 

I've also come to the realization that I won't fit into my old jeans any time soon. I would probably have to lose another 15 pounds to wear them. After my birthday, I'm buying new jeans. I didn't plan on doing that, but it was inevitable to begin with. I'm sick of waiting day after day to go on a date with Aaron. I would have to fast for, like, 20-30 more days just to drop back to the sickly-skinny weight I once was just so that I can fit into some jeans. That's not happening. 

My appetite has come back with a vengeance. Last night at around 3am, I was so frustrated and disgruntled by the thought of food that I bought my first pack of cigarettes in months. I don't understand how people can be addicted to those things. They make my throat dry; I can just feel the tar collecting on my teeth and tongue. I have to admit though, they completely calmed me down. What a relief!

After my fast, I would like to do a little something where I pick one day out of the week to eat completely raw food. I shall call it "Raw Mondays". I was surprised by the abundance of tasteful raw recipes out there. I really don't want to gain my weight back. :-(

The scale is now teetering at 130 lbs. I can't believe it! Just a couple weeks ago, I was desperate to get past 140 lbs. I would love to be around 125-127 lbs (at most) when I finish my fast. I'm still deeply considering prolonging the fast to 25-28 days in order to reach that goal.

Current Mood: blahblah
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August 23rd, 2012
06:14 pm

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Fasting -- 12 days down, 9 to go
I haven't been posting as often as usual, since all the days are pretty much the same. 
I wouldn't say I've been feeling actual hunger lately, but my appetite does gnaw at me from time to time. I've also been having some bad dreams. I'm pretty sure it's more related to other stressors aside from food. Still, some of my dreams involve a lot of eating. It's sorta disappointing that my imagination allows me to give up and indulge.
I have no clue how long I am actually going to continue fasting. I'm almost two weeks down, and three weeks doesn't seem to be enough. I am 133lbs as of today. I really don't like that number. I don't feel like I look that much different than when I was 150lbs. Just 8 more pounds, and I could probably fit in most of my jeans.
I need to exercise more. I got a Jillian Michaels DVD, which has raving reviews. I want to do the arm workouts. My arms have always been my trouble area.
Ugh, this is killing me. I just want to see Aaron. I want to look good for him. I want to wear my nice clothes.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow is my birthday.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
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August 21st, 2012
10:04 pm

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Fasting -- 10 days down, 3 to go
I'm sorta confused, and a little worried. I haven't felt actual hunger in days. My only symptoms of this fast are fatigue and a sticky tongue. (Oh yeah, and my acne is definitely saying hello.) The reason I'm confused about all this is because, well... if I am experiencing such successful weight loss and so little symptoms, then why stop fasting at all? What's another five or ten days, ya know? 

I tried on my largest pair of jeans today. They felt okay. One week ago, I was busting out of them. Now, they're just a little tight, but I don't have a muffin top or anything. I still feel like my arms are huge. 
I weigh 134 lbs. I'm losing about half a pound a day, now. I wanna be, like, 127 lbs when I meet Aaron. Soo... that's still, like, two weeks of fasting at least. I could be way off. I was planning on 21 days, and most people even out to losing ~20 lbs in 21 days. If that's true, then I'll actually be 125 lbs at the end of my three-week fast. This is really racking my brain.
I can't complain, though. This is the fastest way to lose weight, after all. I should be glad that it's so easy. If only I weren't so impatient.

Current Mood: pessimisticmmf
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01:36 am

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Fasting -- 9 days down, 4 to go
I don't know why I'm still saying how many days I have left in my blog headers, because I'm definitely doing this for at least 21 days, not 13. I guess it makes the waiting a bit more bearable instead of saying "12 days to go". Hmmm... yeah. 

I had a dream about eating nacho cheese chips and drinking green apple vodka. Godddd, I hate dreams like that! They always make me feel as if I really did that stuff, so then after I wake up I spend a good amount of time with a cloud over my head. 

After spending at least two days being able to only sleep for 2 hrs at a time, I finally got more sleep today. I had two separate 7-hr naps. Sorta freaked me out. I like sleeping through my days, but when I sleep a lot, I start worrying that I won't wake up from my next nap. I know it's a stupid/improbable fear, but that's just the sort of person I am.

Nothing super special to report. I'm really looking forward to going to the store on Wednesday so that I can buy my sister some presents for our birthday. I already have a small list of things I would like to get. Oh boy, getting nervous again! 

Current Mood: groggygroggy
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August 19th, 2012
08:25 pm

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Fasting -- 8 days down, 5 to go
I haven't had a bite of food in eight days, and I feel great!

I have WAY too much energy. Where did it all come from? I hardly sleep at all now. I hope that changes. Cat naps make the days go by so much faster.
Unfortunately, I didn't drink anything today. I KNOW, I'M SO BAD! I'm planning on chugging a lot of water in a little bit. It doesn't feel right when I don't pee all day. -_-'

Not much else to report. I just feel totally awesome. No struggles whatsoever. It makes me wonder: With all these weight loss benefits, will I ever stop fasting?

Current Mood: crazycrazy
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07:48 am

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Love, it's the sweetest thing
I am absolutely, positively, inexorably in love with Aaron.
This is crazy! What am I doing? The shortest amount of time it took me to admit loving a significant other was 1 1/2 years. I haven't even met Aaron yet. Am I being foolish? (Duh.) Have I let go of all morals regarding relationships? (Probably.)
Oh lord, we've even discussed my staying at his place. And for some reason, the alarms in my head aren't going off. My subconscious self is simply breathing a shallow "tsk" in my ear.

I didn't have a wink of sleep last night. I was hopping around, looking for things to do; I took out the trash, did laundry, swept/mopped my room, organized my desk and drawers, and even perfumed my things. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. God, I'm so love-struck. It can't be helped. The fragrant plume of Cupid's mist has completely shrouded me from my common sense, haha. All these sensations must be a sin!

Maybe I'm just sleep-deprived. I've become a total psychopath!

Current Mood: lovedenamored
Current Music: "No one's gonna love you" -- Band of Horses

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August 18th, 2012
06:44 pm

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Fasting -- 7 days down, 6 to go
Today has gone by really well. My only complaint is self-induced, because I consumed 3 tea bags' worth of green tea. Therefore, my heart rate keeps spiking. It's a little painful, but I'm sure I can handle it. I hadn't wanted to sleep all day like the previous days, though I certainly over-did it. 

It appears as though the days progress so much more smoothly. Haha, I'm beginning to worry that I won't have any more interesting things to talk about regarding my fast.

I have been watching a lot of "Death Note," and I get so excited every time an episode ends and another begins. This is at least my third time watching the anime. 
I am also going to FINALLY clean my room today. The filth is getting ridiculous, and I'm absolutely tired of all the gnats. I can't believe I even have gnats. Jeeze. 
Oh yeah, I'm also planning on Skyping Aaron again. <33 [[sigh]]

Current Mood: energeticenergetic
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03:15 pm

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My "Teenage" Romance
Aaron and I are talking again. :D It was a wonderful reunion. Haha, it didn't start out that way though!
It all began when I had received a couple messages from him via Facebook, stating:


Are you just never going to talk to me again? Should I just quit trying?
Why are you doing this? You can't even put your fingers on a keyboard to acknowledge that I'm talking to you? I don't understand you. But alright. I'll just delete you and stop. I was right about all this.


When I read he had deleted me, I started to flip out. I hadn't intended to hurt him. He was the one who decided to stop talking to me nearly three weeks ago. Oh, I felt dreadful.
I unblocked him on my phone and began pleading with him through text.
(The reason I blocked him in the first place was because I would rather not know if he would ever text me again. If he didn't text me, then I would have no knowledge of it. Of course, a negative factor is that I wouldn't know if he did text me.) Once it was all sorted out, everything magically went back to the way it was, if not better. :-) I even offered to Skype with him, and we ended up talking for nearly three hours. Our video chat had to be cut "short" because Aaron's friend walked into the house and wanted to play CoD: Modern Warfare.
With all my weight loss progress, I might be able to see Aaron in just a couple of weeks!! Gosh, I'm so smitten. :3

Current Mood: indescribable

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August 17th, 2012
06:34 pm

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Fasting -- 6 days down, 7 to go (for now)
So... I actually weighed myself today. It was totally unexpected. At first I had the urge to try on a pair of my jeans, but then the scale caught my eye. I was so nervous. It took a lot of will-power to look down at the numbers. 
I weigh 136.5 lbs!


I feel good. Sure, it's not what most people lose (average weight loss for week 1 is 11 lbs) but considering that I've literally done nothing as far as exercise goes, that's pretty awesome. It has severely encouraged me to keep fasting. I also am not so obsessed with avoiding the scale. It's only 12 lbs until 125! I'm positive I can lose at least 8 lbs within the next two weeks... haha, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself here. :3 

Anyway, not much else to report today. All the days seem to blend together now.
I find myself drinking more water, whereas for the first few days I was drinking nothing but tea and seltzer water. I got tired of the taste, to be honest. Especially the seltzer. Ick.

Current Mood: goodgood
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01:23 pm

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Where are all these food dreams coming from?!
Yet another bad dream. :( This one was God awful.

Basically, I was living with some dude in a trailer. He brought us Taco Bell, and sure enough I ate a burrito or something. It wasn't until a couple "hours" later when I began to flip out.
"GIVE ME SOME LAXATIVES! NO, THOSE RED PILLS! ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE ME PURGE!"
For some reason I kept spitting out all the pills that were being shoved in my mouth.
My dream ended up with me just sitting on the doorstep feeling sorry for myself. :-/


This is definitely going to put a hole in my mood today.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE:
I got my financial situation with my college all figured out!! :D I'm now on a payment plan, and my overdue balance won't be turned over to the collection agency. I also completed the "invalid' portions of my FAFSA. I don't think I'm ever going to avoid my e-mails again! I needed to learn that getting things done, no matter how difficult and/or frustrating, is wayyy better than letting them sit on the burner.

Current Mood: draineddrained

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